Soccermon spirits
by Articfreezer
Summary: Sam and friends are on a journey to be the very best.


Setting: Another generic forest. Let's call it route -1 (Nice idea, Tom!). Sam, Avnore, and May are walking down the path in the middle of the shot. Wild little Black Tortoises and White Tigers are frolicking around. Sam shows no interest in them even though he's supposed to catch them all. Hirochu is on Sam's shoulder.

 **Narrator:** We join our heroes as Sam continues his quest to be the best, like no one ever was. Sam is going for his 8th badge so he can battle against the champion of the world, Cynthia.

 **Sam:** Yeah, gotta get my last badge!

 **May:** _(reads map)_ Wow, the next city is just up ahead. I can't wait to see (insert sightseeing filler here)!

 **Avnore:** I can't wait to see the gym leaders… _Iggly_ puffs, if you know what I mean.

 **Sam/May:** …

 **Avnore:** I meant the ball. The Pokéball.

 **May:** Sure you did...

 **Sam:** Meh, I'm too dense to understand what you said, anyway.

 **Hirochu:** Hirochu!

 _Music shifts to evil undertones. Scene shifts to three individuals hiding in a bush. They are wearing fake mustaches._

 **Mysterious mustached man 1:** Hehe. Today we are going to catch that Hirochu with our heavenly plan!

 **Mustached cat:** Meow, for sure, meow!

 **Mysterious mustached man 2:**...Why are we doing this again?

 **Mysterious Mustached man 1:** Hush, James, it's time to make our move!

 _The three mustached individuals jump from their bush in front of Sam, May, and Avnore, surprising the group to a stop._

 **Sam:** Who in the world are you three?!

 **Mustached man 1:** We are a group of traveling Pokémon pamperers! My, your Hirochu looks so strong!

 **Sam:** _(proudly)_ You bet! Hirochu and I have been with each other from the start! It's no wonder he's so strong. After all, I'd never part with my Hirochu!

 **Hirochu:** Hiro! Hirochu!

 **Mustached man 1:** Haha, wow! Would you allow us to pamper your Hirochu for a few minutes, without you around?

 **Sam:** Are you crazy? ...Of course!

 **May:** Hey it's not fair that Hirochu gets all the attention! I'm going to hand over my pride and joy EmBora too. Come out EmBora! _(throws EmBora's Pokéball)_

 **EmBora:** _(appears, snorts fire out her nose)_ Em, EmBora….

 **Avnore:** Oh, me too. I see absolutly nothing wrong with handing over my Pokémon to random strangers that appeared. Come out PanSage! ( _throws PanSage's Pokéball)_

 **PanSage:** _(appears, strike an 'I'm fabulous' pose)_ Pan…..SAGE!

 **Mustached man 1:** _(Claps and laughs)_ Great, great. Now if you could just recall those Pokémon and put them in this unsuspicious bag, that'd be fantastic.

 _May and Avnore nod compliantly and recall EmBora and PanSage respectively, before dropping them into the bag Mustached Man 1 is holding. Hirochu jumps off Sam's shoulder and follows suit._

 **Mustached cat:** Much thanks, meow! Now if you could just go the waiting room, meow! _(The mustached cat points Sam, May, and Avnore into a ditch. The three happily nod and jump down it)_ Meow! Right into our trap! Meow!

 **Sam:** Oh, boy, I love traps! Wait, traps?

 **May:** _(Gasps dramatically)_

 **Avnore:** It can't be!

 **Mustached man 1:** Oh but it is, prepare for trouble!

 **Mustached cat:** And make it double, meow!

 **Mustached man 1:** To protect the goalpost from devastation!

 **Mustached cat:** To unite all meows within the neko nation!

 **Mustached man 1:** To denounce the evils of lolis and love!

 **Mustached cat:** To extend our reach to the meows above!

 **Mustached man 1:** ( _Intense camera zoom on his face as he rips off his mustached super dramatically)_...Jin!

 **Mustached cat:** _(Exact same camera zoom) ..._ Meow! I mean, Kiki, meow!

 **Jin:** Team Maintenance fixes things at 1/1000000000000 of the speed light!

 **Kiki:** If you live in PST be prepared to cry at night! Meow!

 _Jin and Kiki laugh hysterically as Sam, May, and Avnore look up at them horrified. A random hot air balloon shaped like Kiki's face appears out of nowhere, and the evil trio jump into it. The balls and Hirochu are put into a cage suspended under the balloon._

 **Sam:** Team Maintenance! B-but...who's that third guy?

 _The camera pans over to Mustached man 2, who is sitting silently in the corner of the balloon._

 **Jin:** Hey, our gig is up. You can take your disguise off now, you know.

 **Kiki:** That's right, meow! Do it meow!

 _Mustached man 2 sighs and takes off his mustache._

 **Sam:** T-that's gotta be James! That's gotta be James!

 **James:** Seriously, why am I part of this?

 **Narrator:** Because your name is actually James.

 **James:** Screw this, I'm out. _(jumps out of balloon)_

 **Jin:** …

 **Kiki:** …

 **Sam: …**

 **May: ...**

 **Avnore: …**

 **Jin:** Aw, who needs him? We can do this ourselves!

 **Kiki:** That's right, meow!

 **Sam:** Oh no you don't! Hirochu, break out of there with an Einherjar Bolt!

 **Hirochu:** Hiro! _(discharges electricity from his body, but the cage is still intact)_ Hirochu?

 **Jin:** Ahahaha! Nice try, but this cage is made out of 150% crit resist! You will never be able to break through with Hirochu's Einherjar Bolt!

 **Sam:** Urgh! It can't be!

 **Kiki:** It already is, meow! Bye bye, meow! _(Balloon fades away in the distance)_

 **Sam :** _(drops to knees)_ Team Maintenance! You won't get away with this! NOOOOOOOOO-

 **May:** Um, they're gone, Sam.

 **Sam:** Oh. Let's get out of here then.

 _(Sam, May, and Avnore climb out of the ditch)_

 **Sam:** Vermillion Bird! Find Team Maintenance's balloon! _(Sam releases Vermillion Bird from his Pokéball. The Bird lets out a cry, before running off to find the balloon._

 _(The scene changes to Team Maintenance, about a hundred yards away. The balloon landed on the ground and Kiki and Jin are enjoying a celebration meal, while Hirochu watches them angrily. The Vermillion Bird finds them and runs back to Sam and the others)_

 **Vermillion Bird:** *incoherent squawking*

 **Sam:** What, you found them? Great job, Vermillion Bird! Lead the way!

( _Scene shifts again to Team Maintenance)_

 **Jin:** We did it, Kiki! We finally stole the Hirochu!

 **Kiki:** Meow, that's right! The boss will be so pleased!

 **Sam:** _(Jumps in out of nowhere)_ Not so fast!

 **Jin:** What?! It's the twerps! They got away?

 **Kiki:** _(disbelievingly)_ Meow…

 **Sam:** That's right! Now, hand back Hirochu!

 **May:** And EmBora!

 **Avnore:** You can keep PanSage. _(Sees May and Sam look at him incredulously)_ What? He was fodder material anyway.

 **May:** Wait. He? Can't you change PanSage's gender?

 **Avnore:** You can?! What? Give me back my PanSage!

 **Sam:** That's the spirit! Now hand them over!

 **Jin:** Not a chance! You'll have to get through us first! Go Celuskarp!

 _(Jin throws a Pokéball and releases Celuskarp. Celuskarp procures a chair, sits cross legged across it, and smirks. But nothing happened. Vermillion Bird walks up and pecks him. Celus falls off his chair and lies completely still)_

 **Avnore:** Celuskarp is unable to battle! Vermillion Bird wins!

 **Jin:** Wha-?! But the Celuskarp salesmen said this Pokémon was unbeatable! Nooo, I got duped!

 **Kiki:** Don't worry, I'll stop them, meow! Kiki swipe-

 **Avnore:** Oh those are big.

 **Kiki:** Meow?!

 **Avnore:** Hmpth. Just kidding. What's so impressive about those?

 **Kiki:** ( _tears_ ) Meow~...I'm still growing meow…

 **Avnore:** You need to eat properly to grow properly. Luckily, I have a bag of catnip, right here.

 **Kiki:** Meow?! Meownip?!

 **Avnore:** That's right. Now gooo fetch! _(tosses bag of catnip over Kiki's shoulder)_

 **Kiki:** M-meow! _(chases bag of catnip, and starts scarfing it down)_

 **Jin:** …

 **Sam:** Nice going, Avnore!

 **Avnore:** For what?

 **Sam:** Um...for distracting Kiki…

 **Avnore:** Oh, I was being serio- I mean, yeah, that was totally my intention.

 **Jin:** You fool! Why are you feeding her?! What's so bad about little ones huh?

 **Avnore:** What…? Who would care about little ones?

 **Jin:** You simple minded pleb! Can you not understand the thrill of little ones?!

 **Avnore:** Of course not, freak!

 **Sam:** Um, can I get Hirochu back?

 **Jin:** No! You're going to have to get through me first!

 **Sam:** Fine by me! Let's do this!

 **Jin:** Go, Celuskarp! Oh wait.

 **Avnore:** Don't tell me...

 **Jin:** Ahaha. I only had that one Pokémon even though I've been doing this for 10 years _._ But wait, I'll just use James's! ( _Hold Pokéball and throws)_ Go, VictreeBell!

 **VictreeBell** : ( _appears) .._.Bell.

 **Jin:** VictreeBell! Use Vine Whip.

( _VictreeBell casually trots up to Vermilion Bird and swings her giant, shining, princess sword at him, chopping him in half)_

 **Sam:** What the-?!

 **Avnore:** What?! But Vermilion Bird should have the type advantage over VictreeBell, according to soccer spirits logic!

 **Jin:** Ooh, not bad. Of course, she'd be better if _those_ were a bit smaller, but I guess for what's it worth…

 **VictreeBell:** _(Turns to give Jin a dafuq look)_

 **Sam:** Vermillion Bird, return! ( _The mutilated corpse of Vermillion Bird get beamed up with a red light and absorbed into a tiny ball)_ I didn't want to do this...but it's time to bring out my ace. I choose you, Sharrmander!

 **Avnore:** Sharrmander..! That's a good choice, Sharrmander has the type advantage, according to Pokémon logic!

 **Sharrmander:** _(Appears)_ Sharr, Sharr!

 **Jin:** Bahaha! You think a non-evolved Pokémon stands a chance against my VictreeBell? Vine Whip, let's go!

(Victree _Bell trots up again and smacks Sharrmander with the blunt part of her sword)_

 **Sharrmander:** _(painfully)_ S-Sharr! ( _Goes flying)_

 **Sam:** Sharrmander! ( _Runs after and dives to catch Sharrmander, getting as unnecessarily roughed up as possible)_

 **Sharrmander:** _(Looks up in Sam's face and blushes)_ S...Sharr…

 **Sam:** Urgh...Sharrmander...are you okay?

 **Sharrmander:** _(Nods vigorously)_ SHARR! ( _Suddenly glows white)_

 **Sam:** Wha?! Sharrmander? What's going on?

 **May:** Um, Sharrmander's evolving Sam, come on, you've seen this a hundred times before..

 **Sam:** OMG! Sharrmander's evolving!

 **May:** …

 _(The white light fades out and Sharrmander has now been replaced with new and improved heels)_

 **Avnore:** Sharrmander had evolved into Sharrizard! ( _ **Author's note:**_ _Cuz screw Sharrmeleon)_

 **Sam:** _ **(**_ _Flipping out like a kid in Wal-mart's candy section)_ OMG! OMG!

 **Jin:** Oh, big deal, you think just because your puny Sharrmander evolved you can take on my-

 **Sam:** Hold that thought, I gotta check this out. _(Whips out Pokédex_ )

 **Pokédex:** Sharrizard: The final evolution of Sharrmander. Wrecks Jins.

 **Jin:** Uh...That was oddly specific..

 **Sam:** Oh, Sharrizard learned a new move! Let's try it out. Sharrizard, Blaze disaster!

 **Jin:** Wait a second, that's not even a real move- _(Before he can continue, Sharr raises her foot and a massive fireball is launched out of her heel. It instantly melts VictreeBell, who flies back from the impact and collides into Jin)_ Oomph! _(The fireball continues into the balloon, and destroys the cage Hirochu is kept in)_

 **Hirochu:** _(Escapes)_ Hirochu! ( _Leaps out into Sam, who catches him)_

 **Jin:** I-Impossible! T-the 150% crit resist! It took me 150000 gold to power that up!

 **May:** EmBora! ( _Catches her ball)_

 **Avnore:** PanSage! ( _Catches his ball and releases PanSage)_ Let's see...skin select...oh, there it is, select skin-

 **PanSage** _(turns into a girl, is confused)_ Pan...Sage?

 **Avnore:** _(Stares at chest)_ Hehehe...we are going to have so much fun together.

 **PanSage:** …? ( _Shrugs and strikes an I'm fabulous pose)_

 **Jin:** _(Tries to sneak away)_

 **Sam:** Not so fast!

 **Hirochu:** _(Sparkes threateningly)_

 **Jin:** Aw, poo.

 **Sam:** Hirochu, Einherjar bolt!

 **Hirochu:** HIIIIIROOOOCHUUUUUUUU!

 _(The electric bolt hits Jin, Bell, and Kiki, who was just eating this entire time, and shocks them in the most painful way possible. Unexplainably, an explosion happens shortly after and the evil trio are sent flying)_

 **Jin/Kiki:** Team Maintenance is adding another hour due to an unforeseen bug with Galaxy Arena! ( _disappears into the sky)_

 **Sam:** Well, that takes care of that. Onto the next city!

 **Narrator:** And so, thanks to the unintentional help of Team Maintenance, Sam's Sharrmander evolved into Sharrizard. With his new powerful friend, will Sam be able to overcome the next gym leader? Only time will tell as our heroes head to the next town as the journey continues!

 _(The camera pans over to Team Maintenance, who despite getting blown off into the sky, landed about five feet from where they initially were, caught on the branches of a larges tree. )_

 **Jin:** Drat! We almost had him that time! If only James had followed the script and stayed with us!

 **Kiki:** Aw, look at the bright side, meow! At least we still have each other!

 **Jin:** …

 **Kiki:** Meow? Um...Jin, meow?

 **Jin:** You're right….we have each other...and we're in the middle of the woods...with no one around for miles….

 **Kiki:** M-meow?!

 **Jin:** ಠ_ಠ

 **Kiki:** I-I need an adult, meow!

 **Bell:** WoBellfett! ( _Narrator: You're supposed to be VictreeBell...) ..._ Oops.

* * *

 **Key:**

 **Sam:** Ash

 **May:** May

 **Avnore:** Brock

 **Team Maintenance:** Team Rocket

 **Jin:** Jessie

 **James:** James

 **Kiki:** Meowth

 **Hirochu:** Pikachu

 **EmBora:** Emboar

 **PanSage:** Pansage

 **Vermillion Bird:** That generic bird in every region

 **Sharrmander/Sharrizard:** Charmander/Charizard

 **Celuskarp:** Magikarp

 **VictreeBell:** Victreebel/Wobbuffet

 **Igglypuffs:** Jigglypuff

 **Cynthia:** Cynthia


End file.
